Writhing About Writing

A few days ago, I decided to cast my votes for the barangay elections. It shames me to admit this, but this is actually my first time to participate at the barangay level. 

So the first ignorant thing I said when the ballot was given to me was, "Ay, isulat diay (Oh, so we're writing it down)."

I settled into one of the seats and proceeded to write all eight names. And oh boy, did my hand feel sore after that. Then I gave my votes one last look before dropping the ballot in the box. 

I cringed at what I saw.

You see, I have a really good penmanship that back in my school days I always ended up being the "secretary" in group assignments, a.k.a. the one who grudgingly writes visual aids on Manila paper. And on top of that, I can write well with both hands.

The names I have written on the ballot, however, came out looking like something a baby seal with uncoordinated flippers would do.

I could have blamed it on the pen because there are pens that do make my penmanship really nice (hello Muji, Uni Pin, and Pilot G-Tec Maica). Then I remember the last time I held a pen was when I tried to balance it on my nose. For writing? Only when signing my name on legal documents, and that was probably a year ago or two. Everything has become digital nowadays that writing with a pen and paper feels so primitive.

Since my handwriting skills are on a significant decline (probably due to the lack of practice or arthritis), this is the part where I would have boasted my 80 WPM with 95% accuracy typing speed. But then, what good is that when all I have been doing is type "high-paying jobs for lazy people" on Google's search bar.

I'm a blogger, and I'm doing an excellent job at being lazy. But I don't think I get paid well. I must be missing something here.

Obviously, I have not been writing regularly as I have promised myself. This blog is barely thriving on an average of two gibberish posts a month.

And it's not because there was nothing to write about.

Sure, there have not been a lot of dramas, shenanigans, and adventures lately. But there's a lot more. A whole lot more of these mind-boggling shower thoughts and thought-provoking realizations.

Like how I was shaken to the core when I was teaching my son phonics and realized the letter W does not have a "w" when you spell it out. Or how I hurt my feelings by creating fake scenarios in my head. Or how I have been disturbed to the point of insomnia by simple questions such as whether the straw has one hole or two. 

I want to expel these thoughts through writing to free up some mental space even though I know these do not exactly make anyone's life better. But I also know that we are living in a very troubled society and we do not need to hear another word about politics, crimes, world hunger, and kabit stories. So I would like to believe these thoughts—ridiculous and irrelevant as they are—would have been a breather.

I just do not have the time to write about them. And even if I do, I don't.

But here I am with a fresh new post because I am a blogger. And what a blogger does best is write about not being able to write.

Now, I do not know what's worse: not being able to write or writing something that lacks intellectual depth. I am actually good at both.