Noooooo!

I am silently panicking.

I never thought I'd experience a heartbreak far worse than a break up.

My heart sank. It literally felt heavy when I read the news because I know that once this year ends, my dreams of having a Doc Martens pair is over. Either I buy one now—something this broke ass cannot obviously do. Or do it later (optimistically a year or two from now), and pay taxes, import duties, and international shipping fee that can amount to half the 1460 Classic's regular price—something I am not very willing to spend.

Cherry red. 😍 Dayumn. My dream Docs.

And because of that, I am having this moment again. I feel a lot of things now. Grateful and regretful, contented and wanting more, enjoying the now and dwelling on the what-ifs, and more.

You see, after years of building my career from being a Writer to a Virtual Assistant to a UI/UX designer to a Web Developer, I am now a full-time stay-at-home mom and a housewife who couldn't even keep the house clean. 

And each day, I am consumed with thoughts about being fully hands-on to our children as well as having this strong desire to contribute financially to our family. It is difficult. Really. Especially when I used to be financially independent and this new reality slapped me in the face that I am now completely dependent to the husband.

Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for having an all-out supportive husband, for the life we are living now, for everything. It’s just the unnecessary extras that are getting me down at the moment, which I admit is kind of selfish. What I'm trying to say is, if I had a job, I could buy those boots in a heartbeat after I saw the announcement. But sadly, I only earn through TikTok now and everything I made the last three weeks can only afford four pairs of Dr. Martens shoe laces. 😅

I guess, I will continue bemoaning and stressing over losing something I never had because I failed to plan ahead and save adequately for these sudden, unfortunate incidents such as permanent store closures. 🙄

-------

UPDATE!!!

I wasn't able to sleep well last night because of this. Haha. I was up all night devising strategies how to convince the husband to buy me these 11k worth of boots that I probably would not wear until our next out-of-the-country trip.

Just kidding. I just couldn't sleep. Period.

Although earlier this morning, I swallowed my pride and mustered the courage to ask my husband to buy me one.

I've got my script ready about how he can buy the things he wants like an AirPods Pro without question, followed by the exaggerated retelling of my labor and childbirth stories, then draw that "you-don't-love-me-anymore" card in case he says NO. 

But before I could give him that puppy face, he gave me a go signal to check out this beast:

You must be wondering what happened to the cherry red dream Docs?

1. I couldn't find my size in any of the authorized/legit sellers.

2. I was ten times more excited and I hyperventilated when I saw this 1460 WB Goonies.

Let me tell you a short backstory. 

Stand By Me, The Little Rascals, and The Goonies were the movies I have watched over and over when I was a kid. That's where my thirst for thrill and adventure probably stems.

Anyway, these are LIMITED EDITION and luckily, I was able to grab the very last pair of my size!

Yaaaaas! NEVER SAY DIE!

It's a MERRY CHRISTMAS for me! Can't wait for this!