Has Anybody Ever Told You...

I am an average looking gal. Most of the time, I look like I just rolled and fell from my bed.

On occasions, I look human. And even though I do not pass as drop-dead gorgeous, I'm not completely unfortunate looking for I've been told more often than not that I look like (insert pretty celebrity name here). While I may not see the resemblance, such words can certainly make my day.

I would usually say "thank you", but I just don't remember if the exact words were able to make it out of my mouth.

But I'm pretty sure I give unconscious knee-jerk responses like a snort or I make face and laugh it off. Or act excessively modest that I would downplay myself by giving comments directed to my skinniness, or showing them my scarred knees or man hands to make a point that I'm nowhere near the looks of Aubrey Miles or Alessandra de Rossi. You would usually hear me say, "hindi naman, ang dry nga ng skin ko eh." Sometimes, I would compliment a person back to move the attention away from me. "Thanks, pero mas maganda ka ui!" Worse, I would make a quick and flippant reply, "I know", out of sarcasm and sound like a douchebag.

I remember when I wore a lipstick to a party once, people told me how great I look, especially my lips. As soon as I was bombarded with compliments how the lipstick suits me well (because it's not everyday you see me put on one), I stuffed food into my mouth so I can subtly wipe it off. Okay, that's just an excuse to eat more. But really, I eventually removed it when I had the chance because being the center of attention just puts me in a panic mode.

Mukhang tao. Made up by Pau of PamfortheGlam.com. Photo by Klyde Jarabelo.
Sorry girls if I cropped you, ako kasi bida dito. Haha

So if you happen to see me face to face and compliment me about my looks, my clothes, or my skills, expect that gawky smile, lack of eye contact, and perhaps idiotic verbal replies because I am incapable of taking compliments well.

I'm pretty sure I am a confident woman. I am beautiful (sabi ng nanay ko) and I know what I am capable of. I own it. So why can’t I take a compliment seriously? I can only think of four things:

1. I fear I might sound cocky if I accept compliments without disputing and pointing out my weaknesses.

2. I would think not every compliment can come across as genuine. Worse, I would start to think to myself, "Great. What do you want?" Tsk. Bad girl.

3. I overthink and read through the compliments. "Why are they saying that? Do I look sloppy? Oh gawd, maybe I look ridiculous and they're just trying to make me feel good."

4. I watched too much Mean Girls (I could quote the whole movie, you know) and think everybody's like Regina George.

5. It's April 1st.

Anyway, I have two formal events and three weddings to attend to before the year ends. That means I'll be wearing something that may make people gang up on me again and make it feel like I won an Oscar or something. I always get that. But I don't think I could ever get used to that. Although I wish in the next two weeks people will compliment me about weight gain because I need to fit in my sister's dresses badly. Haha.

The internet says the only way to accept a compliment graciously is to simply smile and say thank you. Well, I never thought something that easy can be so uncomfortable and tricky. But I will try.