Last night, I received an email saying I screwed up a website big time. But I wasn't worried because I knew I've triple-checked my work before I delivered. So, if there's anything, it was definitely not my fault (and yep, it wasn't. It was a server issue that got resolved in the morning). I decided to just sleep it off and send my reply the next day only to wake up to a much more terrible news.

Chester Bennington took his own life.

I'm not really a big Linkin Park fan. I'm not really into screamo. But maybe the influence of my friends who were hero-worshipping these guys eventually led me to the music store and had me screaming my lungs out with my precious Hybrid Theory cassette tape. It was my guilty pleasure. In fact, I still have the Meteora album until now. I didn't know what kind of music they made (nobody can predict how each of their new album releases will sound like) but it has grown on me until this very day.

I wouldn't have known how much this band had helped me until Chester's untimely demise.

I believe we all, at one point in some way or another, became that angsty, rebellious teen. Well, I had my moments. And like I said, I'm not really into screamo but Linkin Park saw my life in a way no one else could. The lyrics are always best at describing what an angry misunderstood teen was going through. It was like every song written was about me. And it made me feel better knowing that somebody understands my struggle. Chester's voice screamed for me when I couldn't. I was not alone.

I still have it. :)

I'm no longer that angsty, rebellious teen who would lock herself in her room and play Numb on full blast. All those screaming did help me fight off negativity while dealing with what I think are the worst situations of my life that I believe it somehow molded me to become the generally positive person I am today.

It's just so sad that it has to come to this - you know, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. It's just so sad that he unknowingly rescued so many broken hearts but he couldn't save himself. It's just so sad that we lost another soul, a kind-hearted soul who inspired so many. In the end, it did matter. It effin matters.

The sun goes down.

But the sun will set for you, Chester Bennigton. Rest in peace. You will be missed.

Can't believe I'm binge-watching Linkin Park videos right now. I am a big fan after all.

Addendum: I knew back then that these lyrics were put altogether as a way for Chester to vent all those things that happened to him in the past, but I just realized how almost every single song from both Hybrid Theory and Meteora albums was maybe a cry for help. :(

"I'll never fight again and this is how it ends." — Breaking the Habit, Meteora