Your Misery Is My Happiness

Not that I am a ruthless, vile, and mean girl.

But I can be ruthless, vile, and mean. You just have to ask for it.

For a few days, I tried unplugging from Facebook because every time I open it, I feel like I need Advil or something. I've gone as far as deactivating my account before only to log back in two days later. So it's no surprise that I miserably failed in my attempt to unplug again. I hate to see myself take comfort in this Facebook-induced sleep-deprivation and I continue to feed on its toxicity. Well, it's not my fault that whenever I open the browser my left index finger would immediately hit "F".


It's Science.

I blame that to muscle memory. Haha.

People on Facebook have really been active these days. It's pretty good to see everyone engaged as Philippines is going through a heated Presidential election. To see everyone get involved or speak up is better than silence and apathy. But it can really get overwhelming too. May magagaling. Ang daming nagmamamagaling. At may mga cute na kagaya kong nahi-highblood na lang sa mga nababasa. 

And just like all the other days, I was aimlessly scrolling Facebook hoping to find anything that has nothing to do with politics. Then I happened to chance upon Bianca Gonzalez's post regarding morenas and how dark-skinned people are still bullied.

Napatigil ako. I was born morena. But I don't think I was bullied for it. None that I can recall.

As far as I can remember, only two things happened to people who bullied me. They either got bored or the bullying backfired at them. Palaban yata ito noh. I remember when I was still a first-grader, a bully was poking me incessantly since he couldn't get me to cry after breaking my pencil in two. Yes, that typical bully - the meanest and biggest of them all. But I ignored him because I was more concerned about the homework I failed to do at home (Grade 1 pa lang ha, di na nag-aassignment haha). So he poked harder. Annoyed, I grabbed my headband and snapped it at him. And the next thing I know he was already bleeding. Gawa pala sa bakal yung headband ko. Followed by a threat, sige isumbong mo ako kay teacher at isusumbong kita sa tito kong pulis. He just looked at me in disbelief, wiped the blood, and walked away as if nothing happened. Since then, nobody ever, not one, tried to bully me even if I was a perfect target for bullying (small, skinny, dark-skinned). Anyone who dared call me names or simply annoy me instantly landed a room in the school clinic, and I, on the other hand was at the Prefect's office trying to redeem myself. Okay, I'm kidding (about half of it).

Perhaps that is the reason why I never felt insecure about my color. But just because I wasn't bullied for my skin doesn't mean that I don't understand how morenas feel. Physically-wise, I say I have a healthy self-esteem (although sometimes I wallow at the fact that I am so skinny. But that's another story haha). Yet somehow, I feel like society is telling me I should bathe in insecurities. How many times have I walked down the beauty aisle and have been offered whitening essentials? Not that I take offense to it. But, really? All these whitening products in the market and those whitening ads on TV and the giant billboards have really been successful in brainwashing us, Filipinos, into hating our own skin color.

Always sun-kissed and loving it! :)

I've already said this before and I'm going to say it again, you are beautiful just the way you are and it doesn't matter what your skin color is. I know changing this kind of mindset will not happen overnight. We've been colonized for centuries and I know we're not yet freed from this colonial mentality. Another century of etching white-is-the-only-beautiful won't be a surprise. It's a no easy feat. But that change could happen. And it can only happen when you start with yourself. Whatever your color is, believe that you are beautiful because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

And oh, what about your misery being my happiness? I gained weight. That's all. Teehee. :D