I hate that I couldn't even come up with a better title

This blog post is a perfect example how politics can eat up a large amount of my time and energy. I can't help it. Philippine politics is intriguing, dramatic, and at the same time entertaining. But it is equally detestable as well.

I hate politics but I have got to admit that I am addicted to it. We are addicted to it. I think everybody is. Even our religious leaders couldn't help but get themselves involved with politics that they spend more time on it than on God. Don't you find it amazing how politics can make you hate it enough to keep you involved, interested, and informed? I am still bemused.I swear I never really wanted to see myself write another post about politics (say politics one more time, Sarah). But as much as I wanted to stay away from it, it is everywhere I go. It's like a plague that no one can get away from. 99% of the things I read on Facebook is all about politics. And by politics, I mean Duterte. And I hate that I add to that 99%. I could have just posted funny videos of cats or blogged about the bacon I had for breakfast instead to lighten up the cranky mood brought about the chaos that is politics.

Our Mayor Duterte is a political hot potato who is suffering another blow from sensationalism, political-analyst wannabes, and bandwagoners who believe in everything they see on the internet. Yes, the man may have gone overboard with his cussing as he expressed his exasperation over the country's problems which remained unsolved, or worse, ignored by those in the higher power. But that's who he is. I'd rather have a leader who curses like a sailor but has the vision, strong will, and guts to push the country up that's in perpetual decline - a man I find in Duterte - than someone whose evil political agenda are hidden behind the mouth of a saint.

But more than that, all those cheap shots and hate messages directed to Mayor Duterte made me realize how bad outweighs the good. How easy it is for us to forget all the good things a person did for one bad act he made. Maybe we can put the blame on the psychology of human behavior or neuroscience. Because as far as I can remember my college lessons, brain activity increases at the feelings of anger, sadness, fear, disappointment, violence, or pretty much anything unpleasant. An increased brain activity means thorough processing of the emotion linked to it. Maybe that explains why it is easier to remember the negative and why negativity bias exists. Or maybe we are just jerks. Either way, I hate that humans are wired that way.

Aaargh, enough of politics. I really intend this to be a personal thought. But I guess, I got carried away by the politics. 

Anyway, if a one bad act can erase multiple of good deeds, then I think it can also come the other way around. You know, when things of a more positive nature have a greater effect on you that it nullifies the negative. Pollyanna principle or placebo effect does exist. And it's a matter of perspective how we handle shit.

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned it here on my blog, but the past few months have really been shitty. Those months when I slumped into the feeling of worthlessness and shit. And instead of pushing myself back on my feet, I felt demotivated and confused about what I was supposed to do next. Frustrated that I'd lost months of my life wallowing in self-pity.

I hate that I found myself in that situation.

But I hate it even more that I became so pessimistic and cynical of everything, even to myself. Is the glass half empty or half full? It doesn't matter, I think it's poisoned anyway.

Yeah, that bad.

"I am worthless. I'm a big disappointment. I will always be a failure."

Wow.

That's a whole lot of heavy baggage I was carrying.

And I hate that I had to question the Almighty and His plans for me. It's one thing to question God. And I don't think it's wrong. But it's another thing to question Him with a rebellious, untrusting heart. It was such a shame.

It took a visit to my Alma mater and an authentic Mexican tacos for me to slowly realize that everything will get better in time. 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

And it does.

Anyway, to cut the story short, I just received a good news yesterday. And all those months of tearing my hair in frustration vanished into thin air. I tried to recall the feeling of failure and rejection. And zero, zip, nada! I couldn't. I hope it will always be like that. When the good outweighs the bad.  Not just with my life, but with politics and everything else as well.

Things are slowly falling into place now. I find myself standing on my feet again. I hate that I haven't seen through how God works by using the people around me. I am indeed blessed. And I hate that I would have loved to write more but this post has to end.

Salamat kaayo, Lord! Wala jud ko nimo gipasagdan. Ug salamat pud Jan kay wala pud ko nimo gipasagdan. Hehe