Confessions Vol. 5: I am fascinated with the Nazis and the Holocaust

Yesterday, Jan and I watched Schindler's List. It reminded me of my obsession with the Nazis which started back when I saw one of my classmates in Fifth grade drew a swastika symbol (actually it was doodled all over his notebook). I asked him what it was and he started telling me with great enthusiasm about Hitler, the killing of the Jews, and how great of a leader he was. I was fascinated. In fact, too fascinated that I came to the point of always putting a swastika symbol next to my name. Excuse the ignorance, at that very young age, we really did not know what we were so fascinated about. And we had no idea about the darkest days that ever happened in human history. All we knew back then was that it looked cool bearing that swastika.

Since then, I've shown interest about the Nazi - from the documentaries, to books, to everything about Hitler. I've read Mein Kampf, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, a few other books with titles that I could no longer recall, and some fiction/non-fics that I have on my shelf that have eventually opened my eyes and led me to disgust Hitler and his mustache. And it's such a shame that I've been claiming to be obsessed with such yet I haven't watched Schindler's List until yesterday. I'm more devoted in books than on movies though. Well, what can I say? Schindler's List is one of the most powerful films I've ever seen. Even more powerful than the neo-Nazi setting film, American History X.

Some of the most compelling Nazi/Holocaust books that I have.

I am still fascinated with anything related to the Nazi regime. But my interest is fueled not on the ideologies of Hitler and the monstrosities brought about by his equally evil followers. The Nazis embody nothing but pure evil. Everything under the regime is downright despicable. And I don't want to think I'm exaggerating. However, I admit that at a certain level, I have admired Hitler's reign. I do give credit how great Hitler was. I mean, I think it's worth understanding how humans fell under the influence of one person who motivated a nation to such an ideological level, isn't it? It is undeniably amazing. Really.

But my interest leans more on the history itself. I am fascinated about how the subject of Holocaust moves me. Every time I watch or read something like this, I cannot stop thinking about what happened. It can haunt me for days. Even my dreams were not spared. I still cannot get the fact out of my head that not only did they kill millions of Jews but homosexuals and people with disabilities as well. And the gut-wrenching pictures that came with it will always be stuck on my mind. I can't keep myself from imagining the terror and hopelessness of the people. And such things never fail to rip my heart out.

Yes, I love reading and watching stuff about holocaust, but that doesn't mean I enjoyed the atrocity of it. I don't think anyone ever did. I may not have been directly affected, nor do I know what really happened, and I could never really feel the sufferings of those who fell victim; however, my affection for them is genuine.

Depressing as it is, may we always remember history. That era will always remind us of the greatest horrors and biggest suffering that ever happened to mankind. My fascination with holocaust stories is something I think I would not hesitate to share even though it can be a little bit morbid or offensive for some. Why? Allow me to borrow a widely used quote from George Santayana, "He who does not learn from history is doomed to repeat it." May we always remember the holocaust and learn from it, especially in the light of today's circumstances. Prejudice is still prevalent and genocide is still happening around us, albeit if we are to look at it on a greater scale, the committed genocide of the Third Reich is, thankfully, unmatched. Let it stay that way.

I firmly believe that the stories during the holocaust, however it was written or spoken, are the deepest and blackest stories ever told. May we never forget.

The boy in the striped pajamas.